hey yall...miss me?:P....not much 2 say but carrying on from wot i said last blog..i am...FINALLY :D.....meeting anna :D :D :D :D..............life is finally on my side hehe.....err...im not looking for another job coz im bk @ college :D......doing childcare hehe.... mi sis isnt speakign 2 ian (father..NOT dad!) and i got a counsellor now...shes nice..she helps me get over the pissedoffness of ian...that bout it really...ttys...

 

luv gem x

 

bleed,bleed,

to seep out all the blood,

to drain you of your liquid life.

 

bleed, bleed,

burn the life around your soul,

purify,

take controll.

 

bleed, bleed,

just to make me satisfied,

bleed because i want you to,

bleed so you can't stay alive.

 

bleed, bleed,

flow out this pain i give to you.

 

bleed bleed,

i see you bleeding,

yes,

i do.

 

bleed, bleed,

the pictures high upon the wall.

 

i hate you most because you're you,

so bleed till you're no more.

sorrw in the deepest tears,

does not comare,

to missing you, i fear,

that lying here,

trying to sleep,

my emptyless head,

your face cannot bear.

 

and thinking back,

with years to come,

of days gone by,

how shall i cope,

how should i die.

 

for in my sleep,

is only you,

and when i wake,

the saddend dew,

has moist my face,

and drowned my soul,

and you shall hold me,

no more,

so?..

sitting here,

waiting,

for what? i truly dont know,

missing you more than im feeling my own existance,

seeping out, within my skin,

just to hold you,

once.

 

whispers, within my bed,

sleepless missing you,

yearning to hear you utter my name,

in only breathless prayre.

 

kneeling, hoping,

crying out to simply know you,

you're all i'll ever need,

i know the meaning of complete

without a definition,

only knowing missing you,

 

where have you been so along?

 

looking in your eye's,

i know that i am happy,

to feel your hand in mine,

you'll have my love always,

to have you by my side,

i am so very greatful,

and to have your love,

with you i'll always stay.

 

that 1's for claire..wrote it on 16th jan 06 at 4:21pm

 

 

depth, in the bluest sky,

doth not compare to that within your eyes,

song of the purest nightingale,

doth not compare to your voice,

that which i hail,

touch of the softest silk,

doth not compare to the way i feel when you're holding me,

that touch i miss so very  much,

the touch i miss eternally.

 

also for claire on 16th jan 06 but this 1 was at 4:45pm

 

 

love is always patient and ind,

it is never jelous,

it is never boastful or consited,

it is never rude or selfish,

it does not take offence and is not resentful,

love takes no pride in other peoples sins,

but delights in the truth,

it is always ready,

to excuse,

to trust,

to hope,

and to indure...whatever come...

 

10:38pm 17th jan 2006(no its not my own work i just love it and it reminds me of claire)

 

 

i wonder what,

in death would i feel,

empty and souless,

here cannot i heal.

living away,

breathless, alive,

beyond the clouds,

up in the sky.

 

i wonder in death,

if you would i see,

to gaze down upon you,

or banish my sight,

i wonder of pain,

of all of or none?

to know im not with you,

now that im gone.

 

and lying here dead,

as time passeth through,

the pain and the strain my body does know,

i wonder if now, i am gone you may see,

all of the things that you mean to me.

 

not of the touch i trust with such will,

not of your voice, that of the winds pain,

but just as you are, im thankful for you,

and yes it is true,

i will always love you.

 

you guessed it...bout claire again (no date for that 1)

 

 

who am i? what sould i do?

im lost in the present, need to find closure about the past.

 

my heart it weighs heavy,

god i miss you so,

it really is hard,

letting you go.

 

the last time we spoke,

harsh words i did hear,

i tried to be honnest but you didnt care.

 

so now im not with you,

ill lie here alone,

trying to sleep...

trying...

 

again...for claire (still no date)

 

thats em all up 2 now...gimme a few days for new 1s

 

why can you not hear me?

why do you not care?

why will you not help me?

how come you're never there?

 

why wont you protect me?

do you give a damn?

can you even see me here?

do you know just who i am?

 

how can you just leave me?

do you hurt inside?

have you ever really loved me?

do you know i cry?

 

could you ever dare to love me?

do you know yourself?

do you know the greatest gift?

is to dare to give a damn

 

by gemma mcgraw 24 - 07 - 06

this is about iad (my father not my dad..)

 

i feel im falling,

out of my mind,

a souless body

without reason.

 

i want for you,

to comfoty me,

to hold me close and say,

everything will be ok.

 

but it wont...

so why are you here?

why do i need you so?

why am i lying here?

thinking thoughts of only you,

wanting you to ease my pain,

and leave,

only me and you...

 

perfect

 

dedicated to martina mcdonald by gemma mcgraw 24 - 07 - 06

this is so random but i thought i shud update this damn thingy...god here goes..well..im not with claire any more...lied 2 her (how stupid am i :(..dont ask what about plz)...b4 we split i ran away from home and moved in with her...mum still hasnt forgiven me for that (dont blame her..im a bitch)...got bk home after me and claire split and mum just acted as if nothing had happened..newayz....im not @ makkies ne more...im working in co-op late shop (in astley for ne1 who knows it lol...the uniform is so dorky :P)...im looking for another job as well as that now coz i need 2 fund my £140 a month keep for the mother plus my phone and im hoping 2 save up 2 move out (sooner rather than later....much...much sooner 8-))...but life is good coz now im talking 2 a gurl that is soooooo perfect for me....she dosnt hate me :-O....shock horror i know lol...shes called anna and i can honnestly say ive never known any1 as truly lovely as her...but she lives miles and miles away :'( (cornwall 2 b precise :'() so nothing shall b done about how i feel....life...once again...conspires against me...but for now i wont give up...im here for a reason....right?

jelous beyond reason,

passion so bright,

i just want to hold you,

all through the night.

 

holding you close,

my world disapears,

no hurt and no pain,

no fear and no tears.

 

you make me feel something,

i thought i'd never feel,

you made my empty heart heal

 

and for this i am thankful,

for feelings so true,

i am truly thankful,

for just knowing you.

claire i wish i could say sorry for everthing ive done...id give up life as i know it just to hold you once more...just 2 c ur face...just 2 know you were mine and nothing would come between yo and i...i am sorry..and i miss u eternally

life is full of twists and turns,

life is full of scares,

life is full of hurt and shame,

even thought we care.

 

life is full of scrapes and bumps,

life is full of woe,

life is full of wants and needs,

that we dont need 2 know,

 

and thought we come across these times,

we must hold our heads up high,

so let the bumps, and scapes and turns,

simply pass on by,

 

for oneday you will see the light,

the thing you've waited for,

the one whom you can trust so dear,

then life will be good,

of this im sure.

 

:) look ahead knowing that life will be better, even though right now you may be feeling low. i hope my poem cheers you up and gives your cheeks...a healthy glow :)